My connection with my former neighbor deepened in the parking garage:
With one load of groceries by the elevator, she was trudging from her car with load #2 with baby on hip and phone to ear. Not wanting to interrupt her conversation, I mouthed, “I got it,” while relieving her of a bag carrying a jug of milk.
Outside of her door, I gave her my cell number saying that she should feel free to call me for help—I wasn’t promising to always be available but she should count me on her team.
A team united for a cause = a community.
A care community = a village.
And giving care can be as simple—yet helpful—as carrying milk.
Months later, my neighbor said, “Stay back!” when she saw me in the hall: she had COVID.
Wanting her to lay low for her welfare as much as my mother’s and mine, I told her to text me her grocery list—adding more to my cart was no hassle.
But shopping was a whole ‘nother ball of wax when I was caring for my father: combined with all that I was doing—nursing, cooking, feeding, coordinating etc.—it could be daunting.
But what’s daunting to one is light (or lighter) work for a village, even if it’s small.
Here’s how to start forming a small village for a neighbor or yourself in 5 simple steps:
1. Make a complete list of care tasks
Write down everything that needs doing—shopping, cooking, cleaning, errand running, bathing, grooming, entertainment / companionship, transportation to appointments… You can go beyond listing what’s required to include things to make a normal day ideal.
2. Think ROI: return on investment
Is a task taking more time or effort than it’s worth? Axe it.
Or are there tasks that you can modify?
I spent a lot of time preparing food for my parents. The returns were good but not greatly hurt by using bagged frozen onions. Instead of asking for help in the kitchen, you might get a better return by asking for help with errands, including a quick trip to the store.
3. Put tasks in “for me” and “for them” buckets
Here is where you separate the wheat from the chaff: things that you can’t delegate or enjoy doing versus things that you can delegate or make your life drudgery. Just because you can’t stand a certain task doesn’t mean that someone else doesn’t like it or do it as a paid service.
4. Ask “them” for help
From the sounds of it, my former neighbor had me and someone else in her village. In the end, she didn’t ask me for much help because she moved. Though I did hold packages for her that arrived after she left—I sent her a quick text and she came and got them.
Which leads me to step 5…
5. Use technology to coordinate & stay connected
Small villages can run via phone calls or texts.
My family group chats in WhatsApp. I don’t pop in there much but it’s easy for me to connect with my sisters, nieces and nephews—my village—in one swoop. But next time, I’ll introduce two apps with much superior village-powering capability.
P.S. Here’s info on the apps, as promised.
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